An Empty Coast

An Empty Coast
My latest novel

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Tell me why, I don't like monkeys


"There's something moving around out there," I just said, noticing a creature jumping around in the bush on the other side of the fence at Pretoriuskop Camp in the Kruger National Park.


"If it's a monkey I'm going to kill it," Mrs Blog replied.


The vervet monkey, cute, adorable little primate that he is, has just made the top of the list, Legion of Fans (LOF).


Mrs B and I arrived home at the campsite today after a particularly successful game drive (elephant, rhino, buffalo and leopard) to find a small, monkey-shaped hole in the screen door of the Circus Tent (it's got a big top and a clown resides there, according to Mrs B).


Pirates.


Attentive, long-term fans (both of you) may recall my earlier posts about the Pirates of Pretoriuskop - a particulalry mangy, limbless and diabolical troop of monkeys.


I'm not particularly pleased to report, LOF, that the entire pirate crew - Broken Hand, Blue Balls, One-arm-one-leg, and their gaggle of wenches are very much alive and kicking. Curse them. What's worse, they have been procreating and there are several cute-as-a-button (not) little junior pirates scampering around, learning to rip open tents and raid garbage bins.


Uncle and Aunty Blog from Australia arrive today on the last leg of a round-the-world tour of sporting venues and traffic control centres (Uncle Blog's specialties - sport and traffic) and Mrs B and I had been doing some re-arranging to prepare for 10 days of international representative level drinking (Uncle and Aunty Blog's other specialty).


The big mistake Mrs B and I made (and this is a cardinal no-no in Africa) was to move the spare esky (cooler box to you African ranks of the LOF) into the circus tent, where uncle and aunty will be staying.


This was a very silly thing to do. Even though there is no food or drink in the esky (that would have been down right idiotic), we should know by now that even the site of Coleman or a Malleys is enough to drive a Pirate Monkey into a state of criminal euphoria.


They must have peeked under the fly and seen the red plastic prize there, waiting, nay asking, to be plundered.


They tore their way in, opened the esky, sorted through a crate of odds and ends and tossed my new shirt (still in its wrapping) on the floor. There was an empty beer can (a left over from last night), which had been upended, and the dregs drained.


The worrying thing is that the Pirates' usual MO is to leave a small calling card at the scene of every crime. I haven't found it yet, but the sun has yet to reach its zenith.


I do hate monkeys.


8 comments :

Java said...

Finally got time to come and catch up on all the missed posts!
I agree they can become quite a pest those creatures, so sad.
I wonder if they'll become overweight from eating human food/left overs as the pigeons and sea gulls apparently are?

JR said...

Monkeys...especially them cheeky little Vervet bastards. One weekend in 2000 Dina and I headed into Kruger for a weekend, with the usual last minute run through the border at Ressano Garcia, to just reach the camp at Bergendal, through Malelane, before the 'witching hour'.

We were in the UN Nissan Patrol (a much abused perk)and we had booked a rondavel. I pulled up close so we could unload the stuff out of the back of the car quickly...the first thing out was the esky, and it went into the kitchenette...I then came back for a another load as Dina was heading in with a bag on each shoulder. As I got to the back of the car, Dina screamed. i dropped the gear and burst throught the screen door to witness a pair of Vervets literally 'going apeshit' around the room and up the walls. They nearly climbed over me getting out...and I was not stopping them. They had got in through a screen door, and into the hut to the kitchenette, opened a locked esky...and had raided a packet of biscuits, which were strewn everywhere. Dina was laughing at their antics, and we both could not believe their audacity.

I think they were casing us as we drove up.

ali g said...

Always hated "Cheetah" in the Tarzan movies. Reckon anyone with hair all over their body except their bottoms has got to be suspect....

redcap said...

Oh, bad monkeys! We had a cracker in Kasane that would leap out of a tree and snatch whatever was nearest to hand - salad, banana, whatever - and then run back up the tree and eat it with a look of almost John Howard-like smugness on his little black mug. Bloody monkeys.

meggie said...

Well then,.. It's Pox on Monkeys!

Alethea said...

How about serving monkey burgers to your visitors. That'll learn em (the monkeys, not the visitors!).

noddy said...

I believe that monkeys brains are a delicacy in some countries. Maybe you could start up a new export business!!!!!

tonypark said...

Thanks for the feedback everyone, and excellent idea Noddy.