An Empty Coast

An Empty Coast
My latest novel

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

SAVE a rhino and hear me talk about my clutch plate!

I'm honoured, Legion of Fans, to be able to help out the SAVE organisation in their worthy work of saving (hence the name) Africa's endangered rhinos.

Rhinos are one of my favourite animals and I can identify with them. Their eyesight is poor; they spend large amounts of the day doing nothing; they have large bellies and spindly legs; they like to pooh in the same place every day; despite their size they mean you know harm; and their chief interests in life seem to be eating, sleeping and copulating.

Yes, LOF, if I was an animal, I think I'd be quite happy as a rhino.

That is, if I lived in the Kruger National Park, of course, like this chap.


If not, I'd be in serious trouble. Rhinos are in danger throughout Africa, thanks to the enlightened ways of certain Asian and Middle Eastern gentlemen who seem to think that rhino horn is a better alternative to paracetamol for a headache (it's not, contrary to popular opinion, used as an aphrodisiac) or a handle for a dagger. I know what I'd do with the pointy end of a dagger if I met anyone clasping a rhino horn handle.

Speaking seriously, which I rarely do here, I had some terrible news the other day from my mate Ross. His friends, who Mrs B and I have met, own a game farm in Zimbabwe and someone broke into their property recently and killed their rhinos in their enclosure. Even though the rhinos had been de-horned, the animals were still slaughtered for the stubs that remained.

Bastards.

Anyway, thankfully there are still good people in Africa and abroad who are dedicated to the survival of these magnificent creatures and, as I said before, I'm honoured to be able to help them out.

My very good friends at SAVE, NSW Branch, are holding a dinner dance on Saturday, February 9, at 7pm at the Hunter's Hill Sailing Club, Merrington Place, Woolwich. And I, LOF have been invited to speak.

The cost is AUD$80 per head for a three course dinner and South African beers and wines. For Hunter's Hill and a venue with harbour views this is pretty good value, I reckon. As well as being a supporter of rhino causes, I'm also a big support of South African Breweries so I'm looking forward to downing a few Castles as well.

If you do wish to attend (for the South African booze, rather than hearing me speak) you should contact theafricanqueen@bigpond.com Dress for the evening is "cocktail with an African twist", which sounds interesting. I can hear my pith helmet screaming from it's wardrobe prison.

I don't know what I'll talk about, but here's a special offer for readers of this blog. For every one of you who attends (sidle up to me and mention you are a legionnaire) I will spend one minute less than I had planned to talking about Land Rover repairs and clutch plates. So there, the gauntlet has been laid down - come along to the SAVE dinner and help save a rhino and stop the audience from falling asleep.

12 comments :

dionj said...

funny how the rhino is being saved by organisations in Oz and the UK - none I can see in SA? I support Save the Rhino International based in London - savetherhino.org - maybe we should hook them up with Save? BTW how about a talk here in SA? I can never hear enough talk about Landy's & clutches - sad but true.

Java said...

That's so sad to hear about the rhino's on your friend's farm. How unnecessary. Bugger! Congrats on being chosen to be speaker, it's a great honor. Will come next time when the meeting is in Perth!! :-)

bec said...

The Prof and I are in - you know we can't resist dress-ups. Will see if we can round up the usual crowd too. Hunter's Hill is remarkably handy to the Drummoyne set, y'know.

bec said...

ps - am nearly pissing myself at the thought of arranging a group to go to a REAL dinner dance after what you all did to me last time...

http://becandcall.typepad.com/bec_and_call/friends/index.html

JR (Mike Williams) said...

Oii TP!!!,

That was a close thing! Me & the Trouble & Strife would have made the trip up to do that night...except for the small detail of my having to be back in the 'Stan' 2 days prior...missed by that much.

We were sitting up on one of our containers tonight doing the usual and watching the sun go down...with the aid of some Vitamin B in a ring-pull tin when the local Taliban Bananas threw a bit over the fence...military ducking for cover...and the contractors cheering the local lads on!! First in-direct stuff since May 06.

I think the military boys went out for look and see....

52 days...and whose bloody counting!!

Crookedpaw said...

Would have loved to attend, but the commute is a bit long.
When are you likely to come to Melbourne?

Herr Doktor said...

Tony
Would love to attend but long commute from Perth! I went to a Mess Dinner at the Wanderers FC last night. It was a biggy! Marty, Mal, Fish and the lads all send their regards for the last game you played. Said you are a legend...I quickly corrected them.
Keep up the hard work
Dok

redcap said...

Killed for a stump? That's terrible! Would go to the dinner were in NSW, but I'm (a) an Adelaide gal and (b) hoping to be in South African then. Good luck with the speech, though :)

tonypark said...

Thanks, all for your good wishes.

I'll be sure and shamelessly self-promote any interstate speaking engagements. I think it's about my stylish, attractive, well-off, single publisher, C, forked out some money for an air fare to Perth, so I may have to line up some more do-gooding in WA.

Dion, like me, I think you need professional help for your Land Rover addiction. Nice to hear from you again.

ali g said...

Ah Yes ... the sudden braking was a problem...we back seaters all lost sloshes of chardonnay from our respective glasses and mother blog said she dislodged & lost her glasses then although I have my doubts about that as I seem to recall her taking them off and flicking her hair just before asking the driver/guide those questions about the rhinocerous pooh

ali g said...

That was actually supposed to go on the next blog. what happens when jet lagged and seeing elephants on the trip home between Sydney and Mudgee. duh

Java said...

Yeah!!!!
Meeting you all in person, come to Perth!!