SAVE a rhino and hear me talk about my clutch plate!

I'm honoured, Legion of Fans, to be able to help out the SAVE organisation in their worthy work of saving (hence the name) Africa's endangered rhinos.

Rhinos are one of my favourite animals and I can identify with them. Their eyesight is poor; they spend large amounts of the day doing nothing; they have large bellies and spindly legs; they like to pooh in the same place every day; despite their size they mean you know harm; and their chief interests in life seem to be eating, sleeping and copulating.

Yes, LOF, if I was an animal, I think I'd be quite happy as a rhino.

That is, if I lived in the Kruger National Park, of course, like this chap.

If not, I'd be in serious trouble. Rhinos are in danger throughout Africa, thanks to the enlightened ways of certain Asian and Middle Eastern gentlemen who seem to think that rhino horn is a better alternative to paracetamol for a headache (it's not, contrary to popular opinion, used as an aphrodisiac) or a handle for a dagger. I know what I'd do with the pointy end of a dagger if I met anyone clasping a rhino horn handle.

Speaking seriously, which I rarely do here, I had some terrible news the other day from my mate Ross. His friends, who Mrs B and I have met, own a game farm in Zimbabwe and someone broke into their property recently and killed their rhinos in their enclosure. Even though the rhinos had been de-horned, the animals were still slaughtered for the stubs that remained.

Bastards.

Anyway, thankfully there are still good people in Africa and abroad who are dedicated to the survival of these magnificent creatures and, as I said before, I'm honoured to be able to help them out.

My very good friends at SAVE, NSW Branch, are holding a dinner dance on Saturday, February 9, at 7pm at the Hunter's Hill Sailing Club, Merrington Place, Woolwich. And I, LOF have been invited to speak.

The cost is AUD$80 per head for a three course dinner and South African beers and wines. For Hunter's Hill and a venue with harbour views this is pretty good value, I reckon. As well as being a supporter of rhino causes, I'm also a big support of South African Breweries so I'm looking forward to downing a few Castles as well.

If you do wish to attend (for the South African booze, rather than hearing me speak) you should contact theafricanqueen@bigpond.com Dress for the evening is "cocktail with an African twist", which sounds interesting. I can hear my pith helmet screaming from it's wardrobe prison.

I don't know what I'll talk about, but here's a special offer for readers of this blog. For every one of you who attends (sidle up to me and mention you are a legionnaire) I will spend one minute less than I had planned to talking about Land Rover repairs and clutch plates. So there, the gauntlet has been laid down - come along to the SAVE dinner and help save a rhino and stop the audience from falling asleep.