South Australia, I am sorry

Now, I'd be lying if I didn't equate South Australia with serial killers (and thank you, Redcap, for reminding me of this in a comment on a recent post), but that is not why I'm not visiting your fair state of churches, grapes and... well, serial killers.

I will be visiting just about everywhere else in Australia in coming weeks to promote my new book, SILENT PREDATOR and the dates and places are here.

In fact, I don't really know why I'm skipping SA on the round-Australia book tour, except, I suppose, for the fact that I'm just not famous enough.

WA has the African diaspora (and I should add, at this point, that I'm making this all up in an attempt to make a rather lame defence for my publishers, who are organising the tour), Queensland has lots of my friends and relatives, Victoria has lots of... um... my publicist's friends, and, well....

Buggeration, LOF. All I can say is that if there were millions more of you South Australians, half the white population of South Africa and Zimbabwe living in Adelaide' many hills, then you might have the critical mass required to ensure at least 20 people showed up to a library talk.

Rest assured, Redcap, Louise and the other members of the South Australian cohort (that's probably you, Grant, Carole and Diana), that I have passed on your concerns to all those concerned.

Dare I suggest a petition (no, not even I am that big-headed).

One thing I will assure you, South Australia, that the next time I am in Adelaide to visit my good friend the Recently Retired Colonel, that I will post details here. I will name a time, a place, and a phonebooth (near a pub) where we can all get together for a drink.

How's that? Might not be until I get back from the next trip to Africa, though.

In the meantime, I have composed (with the help of Andrew Lloyd Webber and Madonna) a little ode to you all. It goes a little like this:

Don't Cry For Me South Australia

(My edits are in brackets, like this)
It won't be easy, you'll think it strange

When I try to explain how I feelThat I still need your love after all that (my publishers have not) done

You won't believe me

All you will see is a (boy) you once (almost) knew

Although (he's) dressed up to the nines (in safari gear)

At sixes and sevens with you

I had to let it happen, I had to change

Couldn't stay all my life down at heel

Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun

(Whatever that all means)

So I chose freedom

Running around, trying everything new (and every library in Australia except Adelaide's)

But nothing impressed me at all (except the meal in Wagga Wagga)

I never expected it to

[Chorus:]

Don't cry for me (South Australia)

The truth is I never left you

All through my wild days

My mad existence (touring libraries of regional NSW)

I kept my promise

Don't keep your distance

And as for fortune, and as for fame

I never invited them in (though I would like a bit more of both)

Though it seemed to the world they were all I desired (true)

They are illusions (no, the money is real)

They are not the solutions they promised to be

The answer was here all the time

I love you and hope you love me

Don't cry for me South Australia

[chorus]

Have I said too much? (without a doubt, as usual)

There's nothing more I can think of to say to you. (spot on)

But all you have to do is look at me to know

That every word is true (well, almost)