Friday, August 07, 2009

Yes We Can.... win a free book

The IVORY tour around (limited parts of) Australia is progressing well, thank you very much. I'm currently in Perth, WA, where I've met many exceptionally nice people. Some of them have even heard of me.

Here's a picture of me pontificating to the 254-strong crowd (this figure is offical) the other night at the Marion Cultural Centre in South Australia.

To celebrate the success (if I do say so myself) of the tour so far I am declaring a snap caption competition.

Come up with a caption for the above picture and post it in a comment. There's a free signed copy of ZAMBEZI in it for the winner. Competition closes Thursday, August 13, 6pm Australian Eastern Standard Time.

63 comments :

ali g said...

Jawohl mein Fuehrer, der schnaps ist wunderbar!

<^..^>

Crookedpaw said...

Already have a signed copy of Zambezi so don't count these as entries. I just want to play, too.

"Missed it by that much."

"...and this is the degree of separation between Robert Mugabe and pond scum."

"Okay, who put this pubic hair in my drink?"

"...Put your left hand in. Put your left hand out..."

"World famous author suffers attack of writer's cramp."

Live long and prosper

Mom said...

So I walked right up to that vervet monkey and said: "I'm gonna pinch your ear so hard..."

Karen Bessey Pease said...

"The doc said this ONE LITTLE PILL would take care of my dysentery....Ahhh...excuse me! Be right back!"

OR: You means this is not eight inches? Ouch!

Karen Bessey Pease said...

'The nurse said the catheter tubing was only this big! Trust me, mates, she lied!'

Trev said...

See this fist?
Buy a book or I'll come down there and punch your lights out..

Les said...

I promishh my totsh are never more than thisss.

Herr Doktor said...

"Yes I am sure I am constipated"

joeys said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ali g said...

Give the book to Karen...Phew!
<^..^>

Karen Bessey Pease said...

I DO like ali g! He's obviously a cat with good sense!! :o) (Le vin doux est magnifique, aussi!)

I CAN do TASTEFUL captions, too, y'know...speaking of 'German'-- Tony resembles Lawrence Welk in the photo!

'And a-one, and a-two...'

But that's not as much fun, is it? Nah... :o)

Heidihi said...

Now to make a duck with your hand, simply join your forefinger and thumb to make the beak.....

Joey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joey said...

Gee guys we came this close to beating the "boks" no such luck

tonypark said...

Come on, hit me with your best shot.

More filth.

Competition closes Thursday.

There's free stuff involved!

Joey said...

I want it now and I want it all gals.....and much more.....green & gold

Trev said...

You'll get a million bucks value reading a copy of my latest book 'Ivory' and comparatively you only have to pay 'thiiiiiis' much which is...... [bugger me] pretty diddley squat when you take into consideration what a truly top read you're getting for your few miserly dollars outlay.
So on that basis, why not buy two of the bastards, one extra for your girlfriend..she'll be so grateful that she'll want to show you her appreciation....

Trin said...

All this talk is giving me wind. Excuse me, I'll just squeeze out a little one.

Trin said...

How embarrassing - that little one was meant to air by different means

Trin said...

One more word from you down the back and I'll come back there and very slowly pull your nasal hairs out!

Trin said...

I am SO glad I have this lectern to lean on, but could someone just get me another little drink?

Les said...

This is how cold it is in Africa in the mornings.

Karen Bessey Pease said...

All right, all ready!! Trin has defeated me by a landslide! You can't beat flatulence when going for comic relief! (Or gaseous relief, for that matter!) I know when to concede gracefully! Darn it... :o)

Karen Bessey Pease said...

I've changed my mind! I'm NOT conceding gracefully! One more try:

"And, see...if you pull the wings off a tse tse fly, it's just a tse tse bug!"

Sorry...running on empty, here. In the next photo contest, give us more props! Smoke a pipe or carry a cane or wear a monacle! Scratch something, for pity's sake!

(And no...I'd never pull the wings off a fly. I would, however, slap the hell out of one.)

Sheesh...I never realized I was so competitive! :o)

Joey said...

I can't keep it in, i've got to let it out I wish they would finish, GOT TO GO NOW!

Joey said...

"Excuse me, can I speak now....I'm the Author of the book"

Anonymous said...

No no no no it's Obama I look like...not Osama

Trin said...

If I've told you once, I've told you twice, WS and FC are like that compared to me.

Trin said...

Knock three times on the ceiling if you waaaa-ant me

Sorry Karen, I'm EXTREMELY COMPETITIVE!

(Nice to see Les and Joey on board, but Dozy - where are your gems?????)

Trin said...

Yes, the Jeep did win our race across the sand dunes, but only by this much.

dozycow said...

.......and when I snap my fingers you will all rush up to buy my book !!!

Les said...

No this is not a small mobile in my pocket!

<^..^> said...

Go Kazza..tse tse bug.. he he

ali g said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joey said...

Is it Hail Hitler...or....Viva Zuma. O gosh WTF it's me TONY PARK

Les said...

"Les here is a little something for you... a signed copy of Zambesi"

Karen Bessey Pease said...

'I carried this navel lint all the way from Zambezi. It will be on display, along with the toe jam I brought from South Africa, after my speech. I regret to inform you... it's not for sale.'

Karen Bessey Pease said...

'If shrimp come in on a shrimp boat, and lobsters come in on a lobster boat, what does a crab come in on? THE CAPTAIN'S DINGHY! (This, folks, is a crab. It will also be on display after my speech.)'

Karen Bessey Pease said...

"In the infamous 'I'll Arm-Wrestle You For Tony's Book' competition between Trin and Karen, it was apparent Karen was to be the victor! Until SOMEONE--and you know who you are--pinched her! We do apologize, Karen...we Aussie's are incorrigible. As a consolation prize, please accept this autographed copy of Ivory for your troubles."

Karen Bessey Pease said...

Holy smokes, I'm exhausted! What time does this contest end for us country girls over here in Maine???

Trin, I'm up for a re-match! Left-handed, this time, okay? And if anyone cares to make a wager, ali g will hold the cash. Make sure you collect your winnings before he gets too far into the schnaps.

Caption:

'The Magnificent KBP would have won the competition if she'd just omitted that ONE LITTLE COMMENT she made the first night! This is, too, eight inches!!! I cannot reward such a slur to my manhood'

Karen Bessey Pease said...

Sorry, Tony...I'm going to go stick my head in a snowbank, now. You've been an awfully good sport! (Haven't you? HAVEN'T YOU? Oh, man...)

Thanks for the fun! :o)

Crookedpaw said...

(Apologies to Dr. Evil) 'I,ve got a bag full of shush here, and it's got your name on it. So, zip it!'

'Yeah, and we all know why you drive a Porsché, mate!'

'So I squeezed that pimple ...'

'Dot, dot, dot, dash, dash, dash, dot, dot, dot.'

'Has anybody seen the Emporer? He's left his coat behind.'

'"Do you know what I've got here, Mr Park?" my high school English teacher said to me. "This is the full stop you forgot to put at the end of your sentences!"'

'Finally! Proof that Paris Hilton is NOT a natural blonde.'

'No! 200 ... really? One, two, three, four ...'

Live long and prosper.

Crookedpaw said...

'Just bear with me for a couple of minutes while I get a photo of this, folks. It's for snap caption competition I'm planning to hold on my blog.'

Live long and prosper.

Trin said...

The ideal size for a sausage is that it should fit snugly through here - not too thin, not too fat.

You just get a stick, stick it in the hole, jiggle it about a bit and then slowly pull it out - termites are best served grilled with a little garlic and onion and washed down with a glass of Cianti.

You use a pair of tweezers and grasp the tick as close to the skin as possible and slowly but firmly pull....


(How many of you made the hand shape for the sausage?)

Hey Tony, is this a record for number of comments? The last highest was in its 20's yes?

Go Les, but dont you want a copy of Ivory rather than Zambezi?"

As you can see Karen, I dont give up - however, you do have the the rest of the day while I'm at work (and I have already won something in the past so it should go to someone else anyway - I'm just in it for the ff (fun factor).

Karen Bessey Pease said...

Thinks Tony...'Mom will have a FIT if I flick this in front of all these fans! Maybe if I roll it around in my fingers long enough, it'll just disappear...Geez, I hate dust boogers.'

Karen Bessey Pease said...

Aw, Trin, come back! Don't go to work when we're having such fun!

You DON'T give up, do you? Good wom! I must warn you, though, I'm the 2006 champion of the Northeast Women of the Woods husband-tossing competition! And that time, I was only competing for a Husquarva Chainsaw! Not an awesome prize like an autographed Tony Park novel! I've set my eye on the prize, girl...but I love a good challenge! 'Mon back! (I'll bet Tony won't limit you to one prize, either!)

Ahem.

'So Mom walked right up to that vervet monkey and pinched its ear SO HARD! Poor Mom... BTW, I inherited my LOOKS from her...'

Trin said...

OK, aNOTHER COUPLE OF QUICKIES BEFORE WORK...


Charlize is THIS close to accepting the role....

That was jut a TINY fib...

When face to face with a hippo, flick it on the soft part of its nose...then run...

I've found the best way to train a monkey is by offering a small treat and they'll be eating out of your hand for ever!!

Karen Bessey Pease said...

I LOVE a quickie before work!!! My next entry...

"If I DO flick this booger, what are the chances it'll land on Peter Watt? He's a good chap, and I'd hate to do that to a friend, but the hilarity factor might make it worth it..."

tonypark said...

Ding ding! Game over.

My goodness, it's been like verbal jelly wrestling in here.

I am stepping waaaaaay back from the intercontinental ballistic ballgame and enlisting the help of my faithful assistant Alex The Pirate Wench to judge this competition.

Thank you all for your messages and yes, Trin, this is a record.

ali g said...

Thank God that's over.
Have been sitting trying to think of smart things to say but everytime I think I've got something the clever people, Karen, Trin, Crooked Paw & others shoot me down with their very funny comments.
Must say though flicking dust boogers slew me completely.
Give the lady a Husquarna leaf blower plus a book!
So thanks for that Kazza ....just got up from the computer and found I'd wet myself from laughing so much.
ps sucking up to 'mom' is a good career move.
[well... anyway it works for me occasionally...not to often but sometimes..]

<^..^>

Trin said...

Spoil sport - we had til 6pm tonight!!


Ali G, I've heard that those incontinence pants work really well.

Did anyone other than me get the joke re training monkies??

tonypark said...

Oops, sorry.

Trin's right. I had my days mixed up (I've been so busy...).

3 hours, 21 minutes left to go... and counting.

Let's see if we can break 60 comments

Joey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joey said...

After all this I'm ready to sign the books now......O yes you are all winners.



ps Thanks Tony will see you soon with our signed copy

Les said...

.......my point exactly now go out and buy the bloody book....


Yes Trin but we are hoping to get a signed copy of Ivory at it's launch next month.

Les said...

No madam...the gap between the cheeks is too small to autograph your g-string while you are wearing them.

Les said...

Is there not even a small chance that you girls will pretend I'm Tom Jones and throw your underwear at me.

Les said...

Stop all this talk about small I am BIG....into self promotion.

Les said...

Karen says she inherited her looks from a monkey.well........maybe just a little.

Dave Reid said...

Hey Tony, I only found your blog because of Martie in the Kruger Park.

This is my effort:
"When I drive around Joburg and a taxi cuts me off, I start like this, then I take my middle finger and........."

Where do I pick up the book in SA? HAHAHA

Duffinsa

Trin said...

B*gger..just got home from work and saw that I could have been thinking up other pearls of wisdom all afternoon.

PS> re an earlier blog today - I can spell, it's monkeys, not monkies - amazing how the brain sometimes works when you're in a rush - or is it the fingers on the keyboard engage before the brain. You've hit the 60 mark and this makes 61 - so well done.

Worked too hard today - brain dead - that's why most of my comments are early morning - when the brain is gearing up. As soon as I leave work it starts going into hibernation for recovery.

Les - funny, funny.

My best wishes to all who rose to the bait - thanks for some good reading!!

Trin said...

Just thought of one and will just make it if I type quick....

I told the hairdresser I just wanted this much off and he did THIS to me - a/hole!

Karen Bessey Pease said...

Ahem...I hadn't been back here since the FALSE END TO THE COMPETITION was declared. :o) Very funny, people! I'm giving the lot of you the Hairy Eyeball!

Especially YOU, Les! Whaddaya mean, a monkey? You'd better mean a CUTE kind, and not an orangutan or a baboon! (Are they monkeys, or apes? Sheesh, I've gotta study up on this stuff...):o)

This was a blast, guys (and gals). I haven't made such a fool of myself since...well, who's keeping track of such things? Just...don't tell my mother, okay? She thinks I'm a conservative Baptist, after all. Let's just keep this between us, shall we? :o)

Thanks for the fun! :o)

Okey doke, I'm off!