Yes We Can.... win a free book
The IVORY tour around (limited parts of) Australia is progressing well, thank you very much. I'm currently in Perth, WA, where I've met many exceptionally nice people. Some of them have even heard of me.Here's a picture of me pontificating to the 254-strong crowd (this figure is offical) the other night at the Marion Cultural Centre in South Australia.
To celebrate the success (if I do say so myself) of the tour so far I am declaring a snap caption competition.
Come up with a caption for the above picture and post it in a comment. There's a free signed copy of ZAMBEZI in it for the winner. Competition closes Thursday, August 13, 6pm Australian Eastern Standard Time.
Comments
<^..^>
"Missed it by that much."
"...and this is the degree of separation between Robert Mugabe and pond scum."
"Okay, who put this pubic hair in my drink?"
"...Put your left hand in. Put your left hand out..."
"World famous author suffers attack of writer's cramp."
Live long and prosper
OR: You means this is not eight inches? Ouch!
Buy a book or I'll come down there and punch your lights out..
<^..^>
I CAN do TASTEFUL captions, too, y'know...speaking of 'German'-- Tony resembles Lawrence Welk in the photo!
'And a-one, and a-two...'
But that's not as much fun, is it? Nah... :o)
More filth.
Competition closes Thursday.
There's free stuff involved!
So on that basis, why not buy two of the bastards, one extra for your girlfriend..she'll be so grateful that she'll want to show you her appreciation....
"And, see...if you pull the wings off a tse tse fly, it's just a tse tse bug!"
Sorry...running on empty, here. In the next photo contest, give us more props! Smoke a pipe or carry a cane or wear a monacle! Scratch something, for pity's sake!
(And no...I'd never pull the wings off a fly. I would, however, slap the hell out of one.)
Sheesh...I never realized I was so competitive! :o)
Sorry Karen, I'm EXTREMELY COMPETITIVE!
(Nice to see Les and Joey on board, but Dozy - where are your gems?????)
Trin, I'm up for a re-match! Left-handed, this time, okay? And if anyone cares to make a wager, ali g will hold the cash. Make sure you collect your winnings before he gets too far into the schnaps.
Caption:
'The Magnificent KBP would have won the competition if she'd just omitted that ONE LITTLE COMMENT she made the first night! This is, too, eight inches!!! I cannot reward such a slur to my manhood'
Thanks for the fun! :o)
'Yeah, and we all know why you drive a Porsché, mate!'
'So I squeezed that pimple ...'
'Dot, dot, dot, dash, dash, dash, dot, dot, dot.'
'Has anybody seen the Emporer? He's left his coat behind.'
'"Do you know what I've got here, Mr Park?" my high school English teacher said to me. "This is the full stop you forgot to put at the end of your sentences!"'
'Finally! Proof that Paris Hilton is NOT a natural blonde.'
'No! 200 ... really? One, two, three, four ...'
Live long and prosper.
Live long and prosper.
You just get a stick, stick it in the hole, jiggle it about a bit and then slowly pull it out - termites are best served grilled with a little garlic and onion and washed down with a glass of Cianti.
You use a pair of tweezers and grasp the tick as close to the skin as possible and slowly but firmly pull....
(How many of you made the hand shape for the sausage?)
Hey Tony, is this a record for number of comments? The last highest was in its 20's yes?
Go Les, but dont you want a copy of Ivory rather than Zambezi?"
As you can see Karen, I dont give up - however, you do have the the rest of the day while I'm at work (and I have already won something in the past so it should go to someone else anyway - I'm just in it for the ff (fun factor).
You DON'T give up, do you? Good wom! I must warn you, though, I'm the 2006 champion of the Northeast Women of the Woods husband-tossing competition! And that time, I was only competing for a Husquarva Chainsaw! Not an awesome prize like an autographed Tony Park novel! I've set my eye on the prize, girl...but I love a good challenge! 'Mon back! (I'll bet Tony won't limit you to one prize, either!)
Ahem.
'So Mom walked right up to that vervet monkey and pinched its ear SO HARD! Poor Mom... BTW, I inherited my LOOKS from her...'
Charlize is THIS close to accepting the role....
That was jut a TINY fib...
When face to face with a hippo, flick it on the soft part of its nose...then run...
I've found the best way to train a monkey is by offering a small treat and they'll be eating out of your hand for ever!!
"If I DO flick this booger, what are the chances it'll land on Peter Watt? He's a good chap, and I'd hate to do that to a friend, but the hilarity factor might make it worth it..."
My goodness, it's been like verbal jelly wrestling in here.
I am stepping waaaaaay back from the intercontinental ballistic ballgame and enlisting the help of my faithful assistant Alex The Pirate Wench to judge this competition.
Thank you all for your messages and yes, Trin, this is a record.
Have been sitting trying to think of smart things to say but everytime I think I've got something the clever people, Karen, Trin, Crooked Paw & others shoot me down with their very funny comments.
Must say though flicking dust boogers slew me completely.
Give the lady a Husquarna leaf blower plus a book!
So thanks for that Kazza ....just got up from the computer and found I'd wet myself from laughing so much.
ps sucking up to 'mom' is a good career move.
[well... anyway it works for me occasionally...not to often but sometimes..]
<^..^>
Ali G, I've heard that those incontinence pants work really well.
Did anyone other than me get the joke re training monkies??
Trin's right. I had my days mixed up (I've been so busy...).
3 hours, 21 minutes left to go... and counting.
Let's see if we can break 60 comments
ps Thanks Tony will see you soon with our signed copy
Yes Trin but we are hoping to get a signed copy of Ivory at it's launch next month.
This is my effort:
"When I drive around Joburg and a taxi cuts me off, I start like this, then I take my middle finger and........."
Where do I pick up the book in SA? HAHAHA
Duffinsa
PS> re an earlier blog today - I can spell, it's monkeys, not monkies - amazing how the brain sometimes works when you're in a rush - or is it the fingers on the keyboard engage before the brain. You've hit the 60 mark and this makes 61 - so well done.
Worked too hard today - brain dead - that's why most of my comments are early morning - when the brain is gearing up. As soon as I leave work it starts going into hibernation for recovery.
Les - funny, funny.
My best wishes to all who rose to the bait - thanks for some good reading!!
I told the hairdresser I just wanted this much off and he did THIS to me - a/hole!
Especially YOU, Les! Whaddaya mean, a monkey? You'd better mean a CUTE kind, and not an orangutan or a baboon! (Are they monkeys, or apes? Sheesh, I've gotta study up on this stuff...):o)
This was a blast, guys (and gals). I haven't made such a fool of myself since...well, who's keeping track of such things? Just...don't tell my mother, okay? She thinks I'm a conservative Baptist, after all. Let's just keep this between us, shall we? :o)
Thanks for the fun! :o)
Okey doke, I'm off!